Here I Am Again

Hey everyone, I know it's been a while. I am back at my "fat weight" and I'm feeling pretty low lately. I've been going through a bunch of dental things (abscess, root canal, crown, wisdom teeth out)  this past month and I also moved in with my boyfriend at the end of June. Lots of changes and taking care of some things has made me put exercise on the back burner.

About a month ago I was trying on bathing suits, and started crying in the dressing room. I don't like feeling like this, not at all. I look at my body, my bone structure. I am meant to be petite. I am not meant to have flabby arms, a stomach, and back rolls. This is not who I am, or who I want to be. I feel like once people reach a certain weight, they become invisible. No more compliments coming my way like they were when I was 15lbs lighter on my journey...I feel disgusting. And I know, I shouldn't be so hard on myself, but honestly I talk and talk and talk about losing weight and getting healthy all the time but just keep gaining. Maybe this is my threshold...the final point where I decide enough is enough or give up. Well, I'm not giving up. I am never giving up. I just need to try much harder. Between my PCOS and the birth control they gave me, I have gained almost 10lbs since March. Once I am recovered from my wisdom teeth removal (had the surgery yesterday), I need to get back into good habits that will make me proud of myself again.

Please pray for me, and I hope that I can inspire others to start their new healthy lives and know that we are all human and make mistakes. I just need a helping hand right now. I have the love and support from my wonderful boyfriend, and I have some great friends who will help me as well...but I need to motivate myself and take a pledge for a healthier me, and commit to it. If anybody has a good program, tips, or words of encouragement please feel free to comment.

Love,

• Laura 

Sometimes I Just Hate People

Ok not really HATE, but I am astounded daily by the lack of compassion and kindness towards others. What is so wrong with being nice to your fellow man/woman? Today I had a bit of a loss in faith in humanity.
I was waiting for a prescription to be filled, so I took myself out for a quick coffee/lunch downtown at my favorite coffee shop. As I put coins in my meter where I parked, I heard a couple guys walking down the sidewalk in the opposite direction as me. I started walking and one of them said "She's cute...a little fat though." loud enough for me to hear. They both started laughing and his friend was like "A LITTLE!"

Needless to say, comments like that ruin peoples' days. I did nothing to harm them, did nothing to bother them, literally just walked by them and I had to hear that.

First of all, I'm fabulous. Secondly, they were rough looking too (messages etched by shaving them into your scalp are all the rage...if this is 1997), but you don't see me judging them. Thirdly, I know I'm better than them in so many ways because I would NEVER just say that to somebody.

It made me also realize that sometimes I do judge people by the way they look at times, and it is something I am totally working on. Everybody has their own struggles, stories, life...and you never know what somebody is going through. I think I might start complimenting people for things that I like about them, strangers and friends alike...because just as harsh words go a long way, kind words go further. I can't believe the hatred in this world. Ugh. Let's combat the hate with some love <3

-Laura

PCOS and Progress

Hey guys!
Well, I decided back in mid-January to get a check-up by my doctor because I haven't been to a doctor in a few years. My boyfriend had some health issues and he would have never found them without a checkup, so he pushed for me to get myself checked as well...so I did. I have been to the doctor seven times, had so many vials of blood taken, so many tests...even ultrasounds to figure out what was wrong with me (since I have such difficulty losing my weight, and have super thing hair...etc)...I am pretty low on my B12 vitamin so I have to take that...but I also found out I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). So now...I just need to deal with that, and watch my nutrition and exercise as much as I can. I'm happy I have some sort of reason why I hit plateaus so easily, and why I am bigger than all of my other siblings by at least 40lbs, when I follow a stricter diet and exercise plan. Ugh. Now, this is a reason for all of that...but not an excuse. I will use my diagnosis as more motivation to work harder.

In better news...I have atlete-level cholesterol, so I feel pretty rockin about that! :)

My workload is going to change a little now that we have a new bartender to take some of the extra hours I have been working. I am going to work on making things at home and bringing them to work with me.

In other news, I am at 144lbs again, so I've lost 6lbs since my last depressing post. Also, I gave up Red Bull (even the sugar free kind!) back in January, and I feel a lot better. I used to drink 2-3 per day, just to keep my eyes open during the day. Now that I'm taking B12 supplements, I am a lot more alert than I was. Also...this month I am giving up drinking (except for an occasional glass of wine), and fried foods. I also recently purchased a juicer!!! I'm going to have so much fun with that thing!

I appreciate the support from my viewers. This blog will return to a more motivating, uplifting blog very shortly. Here is a small bit of confidence boost for me though ~ This picture is my first big progress photo, the photo on the right and bottom left are from last summer, about 9 months ago. The top left picture is me about a month ago. I can see the changes, which makes me feel a ton better. Thank you guys!

I'll talk again soon, promise <3
-Laura

New Year, Fresh Start.

Hey guys! I've totally flaked on this blog, I've been working 50 hours a week and all of my free time has gone to visiting my boyfriend (We're doing the long distance thing). So I'm very sorry!

The cleanse: It was very hard, but I did it. I didn't cheat at all, but it was very difficult. The first, second, and third day were the hardest, and i felt very weak. All in all, I lost 9lbs, but gained it back because I didn't stick with it.

I'll be honest...I work in a restaurant as a bartender right now, and I've been working overtime for the past 3 months so most of my meals have been from my job. I gained back all of my weight, and I don't feel good about it. So...I'm back to 150lbs, and I feel so terrible about it. All of my progress I've made...I mean, people usually gain around the holidays and stuff but I am just really upset with myself. It crept back little by little and so now...I have to make more goals (which I don't mind).

I did join a gym here a month ago, and they have this amazing program there called ActivTrax. You start with a strength test to give the program a starting point, but then it prints out a workout for you to do each time you go! It tells you what machines to use, how much weight, how many sets, and how many reps...it really is awesome and has changed my life! The gym I joined is wonderful and locally owned, which I am very happy about.

My 2014 Goals:
Gym 3-5x/week
Focus on my nutrition
Don't cheat until cheat day!
Organize my life better
Keep motivated!!!

My confidence is pretty low right now because of my setback, but I know that I will overcome this and I will TOTALLY be in a bikini this summer!!!

Thanks for reading, sorry it has been a while again...my next post will be more positive, I promise :)

-Laura